How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving: The Power of Simply Showing Up
When someone we love is grieving, it's natural to want to help.
We search for the right words. We wonder what we can do to ease their pain. We hope that somehow we'll make things just a little easier.
As both a therapist and someone who has experienced profound personal loss after losing both of my parents, I've learned that the most meaningful support rarely comes from having the perfect words. More often, it comes from being willing to stay present with someone in their pain.
After my parents died, one of my closest friends came and sat with me while I cried.
At one point she quietly said, "I don't even know what to say."
She didn't try to make the pain smaller. She didn't offer advice or try to convince me everything would be okay. She simply stayed. She cried with me, and she let me grieve.
Looking back, that remains one of the most meaningful moments of support I experienced. It taught me something I'll never forget:
Presence is often more healing than advice.
Show up
You don't need to have the perfect words. In fact, saying, "I don't even know what to say, but I'm here with you," can be far more meaningful than trying to find something profound. Your presence matters more than your words.
Stay with their pain
Grief isn't something that needs to be fixed. One of the greatest gifts you can offer someone is permission to feel exactly what they're feeling without trying to make it better. Sometimes that means sitting in silence. Sometimes it means listening. Sometimes it means crying alongside them.
One small thing that often goes unnoticed is what we do when someone begins to cry. Many of us instinctively reach for a tissue. While that gesture usually comes from kindness, it can sometimes unintentionally communicate, "Please stop crying," or "This is becoming too much."
If someone feels safe enough to cry in front of you, that's a gift. Whenever possible, allow them the space to cry without rushing to stop the tears. If they need a tissue, you can quietly place the box nearby or ask if they'd like one, rather than assuming they want their tears interrupted. Tears are not a sign that something is wrong. They are often a healthy expression of love, pain, and loss.
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can offer someone who is grieving is allowing ourselves to stay grounded enough to remain present with their pain. Before spending time with someone who is grieving, take a moment to notice your own emotions. If you can regulate yourself first, you're less likely to feel the need to fix, rescue, or rush their grief. Instead, you can simply be with them—calm, present, and authentic.
Sometimes the most healing thing we can communicate is: "Your tears don't scare me. You don't have to hold them back for my sake."
Listen more than you speak
It's easy to feel like we should offer advice or encouragement, but grief doesn't usually need solutions—it needs space. Allow them to tell the same stories again. Allow them to cry. Allow moments of silence. Simply listening communicates, "You don't have to carry this alone."
Remember their loved one
Many people avoid mentioning a loved one who died because they're afraid they'll make the grieving person sad. The truth is, they haven't forgotten.
Whether they lost a parent, partner, child, sibling, friend, or beloved pet, hearing their loved one's name—or simply being invited to share a memory—can be deeply comforting. Don't be afraid to ask about them.
"What was your favorite memory of them?"
"I've been thinking about your mom today."
"I'd love to hear more about your dog if you'd like to share."
Grief often carries a fear that others will forget the one we lost. Simply acknowledging their loved one reminds them that their life mattered and that they are remembered.
Offer support, not solutions
Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," offer something specific. "I'd love to bring dinner over Tuesday." "Can I pick up groceries for you?" "Would it help if I watched the kids for a few hours?" "Would you like some company on a walk?" Small, practical acts of kindness can make an overwhelming season feel just a little lighter.
Be patient
Grief turns a person's world upside down. They're not only learning how to live without someone they love—they're also trying to figure out who they are in a world where that person is no longer physically present.
Grief has a way of changing our relationship with time. Days can blur together, simple tasks can feel overwhelming, and responding to a text or phone call may take far more energy than it once did.
If they don't respond right away, try not to take it personally. It doesn't necessarily mean they've forgotten about you. It doesn't mean they're upset with you. It may simply mean they're having a difficult day.
One of the greatest gifts you can offer someone who is grieving is patience. Keep reaching out without expecting an immediate response. Let them know you're thinking of them without requiring anything in return. Knowing someone is still there—even when they don't have the capacity to respond—can be incredibly comforting. Sometimes support isn't measured by how quickly someone replies. It's measured by whether they know you'll still be there when they do.
Keep showing up
One of the hardest parts of grief is that support often fades long before grief does. The meals stop coming. The phone calls become less frequent. Life around them begins to move forward. But grief often doesn't follow the same timeline.
Even four years after losing my parents, there are still days when their absence feels especially present. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, or even ordinary moments can bring a wave of grief when it's least expected. A simple text saying, "I've been thinking about you today," can mean more than you realize.
Grief changes over time, but our love doesn't. We continue to carry it because love doesn't end with death. In many ways, grief is simply love searching for the person it still longs to reach.
You Don't Need the Perfect Words
If someone you love is grieving, remember this:
You don't have to know exactly what to say.
You don't have to fix their pain.
You don't have to make them feel better.
You simply have to be willing to stay.
Stay when they're crying.
Stay when they don't return your texts.
Stay when months have passed and everyone else has moved on.
Stay when holidays feel heavy.
Stay when the conversation is uncomfortable.
Because grief isn't looking for someone with the perfect words.
It's looking for someone who isn't afraid to remain present.
Years from now, they probably won't remember every conversation.
They probably won't remember every piece of advice.
But they'll remember who stayed.
If You're Grieving
If you're reading this because you've experienced the loss of someone you love, I want you to know that your grief is unique. There is no right way to grieve, no timeline you need to follow, and no expectation that you should be "over it" by now.
You deserve a space where your grief doesn't need to be explained, rushed, or fixed—a space where every part of your experience is welcome.
If you're looking for support, I offer virtual grief therapy for adults throughout Colorado. Together, we'll honor your loved one, make space for your grief, and move at a pace that feels right for you. You can learn more about my approach to Grief Therapy here.
If you're feeling ready—or simply curious—I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. We can talk about what you're carrying, answer any questions you may have, and see if working together feels like the right fit.
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Thank you for being here.
Whether you're grieving yourself or supporting someone you love, I hope you leave this space feeling a little more understood and a little less alone.
Take gentle care of yourself.
Warmly,
Adrienne 🤍